Preschool Woes

Today was my first day in preschool...I think in my whole life!!  LOL...

We have had a few bumps this year with preschool and Faith.  In the end, it has been decided, between us and the workers, that Faith is going to have a one on one support in the class with her.  All the time.

I guess I am having a hard time with it.  I know it is for the better.  I know it is to help if she were to have a seizure.  I know it is being proactive in teaching Faith and giving her the tools she will need for the future.

But for my brain, my heart...I wasn't ready to say that she needed one on one support.  I am kind of bummed by it all.  Last week I had 2 different people go into class with her and I got the reports afterwards.

Faith doesn't listen.  She doesn't sit still when it is time.  She doesn't take turns very good.  She grabbed another child by the arm.  She always had her hands in her mouth and spent a lot of time in the bathroom washing them. 

Today I watched as she just randomly put her hand in someone elses painting.  She dribbled glue and glued someone elses work.  She ate playdough. She shoved her snack in her mouth in large amounts.  She didn't want to stay at the table when it was table time.  I saw her in the bathroom a lot washing hands.  Even when she hadn't put her hands in her mouth.

I also saw her having fun.  I saw her trying to play with other kids nicely.  I saw her sharing. I saw her being her sweet lovable self.  I saw her wanting to be a part of the activities.

I guess I just wasn't as prepared for this as I thought I would be.  I always like to count my blessings, and I do.  I know that we are way farther ahead then ever expected.  However, I also wasn't prepared for my heart to be broken...because in a way I feel it has been. 

And I know this may seem trivial to some...but for me it is huge.  I need to learn to find the balance between the "disability" and the "ability".  I would love advice on how other parents have handled this...I know I am not alone...but I really do feel that way sometimes.