So thankful!!

We are still in the hospital right now. I am so thankful for the little lessons that come out of times like this. I this it is so important that we, as humans, be willing to look past the grey, gloomy skies and see what can be learned when tough times strike.

I have really struggled this time round and have come to the conclusion that there is an awesome lesson for me to gain.

What really happened...On Wednesday we went to our playgroup in the morning. Everything seemed fairly normal, Faith was a wee bit cuddlier then normal, but we all have those days, right?

We got home afterwards, and I noticed that she had a bit of a fever. I looked for our fever reducer, but couldn't find it anywhere and I couldn't get to the store to buy any, so I gave her some cold meds, thinking it may help a bit, and it did. She wasn't as hot anymore.

Then it hit me...you know, that mommy instinct? That little voice, that God nudge...I have had it before, when I knew it was time to give up homeschooling/Sunday school/etc...whatever you want to call it.

I really debated about whether I should go to placement or not. I felt guilty if I went and something happened, but if I didn't go and nothing happened I would lose 8 hours of my placement, that I would have to make up. How selfish of me??!! That was how I felt when I left to go in.

But, because I had this instinct, I did listen a bit. I felt that it was not going to be a good day and I called for Pete to come home early. He made arrangements to be home shortly after I left. 10 minutes after he walked in, Faith had her first seizure. It was about 4 minutes and then she was fine. She then went on to have more seizures. I haven't spoken to Pete long enough to know if it was 3 or 4, but in order for them to stop she was double dosed with ativan.

I received a page at work and knew immediately what had happened. I left and headed to the hospital. When I got there, I told the nurse that I felt so bad, how could I have chosen to go to work knowing that my gut told me to stay home...I give all those working moms kudos...I honestly think they are very strong to be able to separate those lives!

Faith started to wake up from the sedation and it was like we had an infant all over again. It also looked like she was seizing again, but they said that was just the ativan... I had to hold her head up for her when she wanted to sit, and there was no way she was opening her eyes. They did chest xrays, bloodwork, and a catheter urine sample (that I got to help hold her for...didn't freak me out!!) all of which came back normal.

They decided to keep her overnight to monitor her recovery. So, we made whatever arrangements needed to be made. I chose to stay overnight the first night and Pete took the day off work the next day. So, he came back when the kids went to school and I went to work that night. Came back after work and Pete went home...it is such a juggling act!!

On Thursday, Faith was no better then the night before, really. She still couldn't hold up her own head very well, and her eyes were only able to open a little bit. She was drooling. It reminded me of those old movies, I have no idea which one...but the patients in the hospital are all drugged and they are in some kind of catatonic state? That was what we watched...

She started with another fever on Thursday afternoon, but it had gone by the time I got there at midnight. Every hour she is checked for temperature, her IV machine is reset and she cuddles with the nurses and child life workers. She has melted them all here, as per usual! We sleep in the chair bed together, because it makes me feel better:-) But I know that way we both get our sleep. The nurses seem to be ok with that, and they just check her when she is laying on me...

Today she has improved a lot. She is up and walking and playing with the slew of toys they have brought for her. She has been given a knitted blanket, hat and slippers, a bear and a giraffe...we will need a suitcase to go home!!

While on our morning wagon ride, I noticed that she was doing some tongue chewing. I have never seen her do that before, so I asked the nurse and they just documented it. Faith responded when I called her as she was doing it, but it still may have been some form of seizure activity. Her seizures are mainly facial now...she has also been running a low-grade fever all day and is being watched closely there.

I have one small concern and I hope it is still part of the recovery. Her mood swings seem to have heightened. She goes from being happy and cuddly to a whole other child. Screaming, crying...she was like this before, but it just seems to be a little moreso then before. We will have to keep an eye on it.

That is her update. Now, the title...So Thankful...what is that about?

I am not sadistic, I am not thankful that my child got sick. I am, however, thankful that I have learned how I like to have control. And I am thankful that I realized this and am willing to give that up, and willing to trust my husband more. I don't think I am alone as a mom here. I always feel that I know better for my kids...and that just isn't true. I was able to go into work last night and not worry about Faith. I knew she was in good hands with her daddy. I will possibly go home tonight and let Pete stay here, because I know that I can trust him and not worry.

I feel like I have taken so long to get here. I always knew that I was so blessed with an amazing husband, but I think I never really realized exactly what I had, until we were in this position. I really am thankful for him. I and our kids are blessed to have him in our lives!!

I am gonna run now, see if I can get some work done. Will update again later, when we hear from the doc.