Excerpt from the book I am writing…“Everything my kids ever needed to know they learned in the van…”

This story may be too much for some people to handle...please only read on if you are sure you can deal with what kids learn in grade 7 health class...LOL








We were out and about in the van the other night, and Pete ran into the store. It was just me and all the kids, but Faith and Pooky were sleeping.

Princess was talking about the kind of bread she liked best…white bread, that is why she doesn’t like sandwiches, because we only buy brown bread. I told her that white bread has all kinds of chemicals in it to make it white. We don’t want to be eating chemicals because they are not good for us. I also told her that is the reason we buy special meat, because it doesn’t have growth hormones in them and it means that they will not hit puberty too early…like some kids are nowadays…

That is when Mr. Hockey spoke up. He is a guy of few words, but boy, when he speaks…does he ever!!

So, Mr. H says…"I know what puberty is…" and I made the mistake of asking him "what"…

Remember, this is their first year in school and any discussion we have had around this topic only came up when they asked questions, and they were never fully detailed answers…

They had a s*x ed class at school apparently.

He went on to tell us what happens to girls…"An egg comes out and then they bleed…once every month…" this one is ok, we have talked about this before…it is a house full of girls after all…so I said, "We call it a period." Then Mr. H goes on to say that it can happen anywhere between 9 and 16 years old…Princess pipes up "so, if I turn 16 and I haven’t had puberty yet, I won’t get it?" And I said…"wishful thinking"…

The next thing Mr. H says that they learned was what happened to boys in puberty…I hesitated and didn’t ask what…I could only imagine…but he, oh so nicely, went on to tell us anyways…

"Boys have this sticky stuff that comes out…" then he paused and snickered and said "from, you know, from…" so me, being the great mom that I am, I said…"from where??" And he said "the P…." and they all laughed…cause that is just hilarious!!! (insert sarcasm)

Then he talked about how it can even happen at nighttime, when you are sleeping… He says "like if you are having a nightmare and you are shaking, then your brain will send a signal to your body to say "IT’S TIME!!" and even if you laugh too hard…"

Mhmm…so, now I don’t have to worry about who is going to talk to him about that!!

Cutie Pie then speaks up…in tears and says…"I don’t want to have puberty, I want to stay 6 forever". And I told her that she has a long time before she has to worry about that. She then said "I don’t want to bleed…" and I said, again, that she doesn’t have to worry about that for a long time, that it would be when she became a young lady and she wouldn’t mind it then…

Then I turned and said "remember when you were all excited that you were going to get b**bs soon, well that is part of puberty" and she still cried and said she didn’t want those either…So, I told her that everytime I see her grow, I am going to push her head down, so she stops, and would that be ok with her…she said yes and then Princess asked about crossing her birthday off the calendar from now on and Cutie Pie agreed, that she would never have another birthday, because she doesn’t want to grow up…

And the conversation ended…That night, my Grade 1 learned what she will learn again in Grade 7…oh the perks of being the 3’rd…