Tough day for me...

Thanks to everyone who posted a comment on the last post. I know that my kids love Sunday school and I love them going. I truly enjoy the break...what mom wouldn't? LOL

Mr. Hockey, my 10 y/o loves to sit in service. He is the kind of kid who is happy sitting anywhere. And you know, he takes the most awesome notes I have seen. He really listens and is able to write down most of it (and I was worried about a learning disability!!) But he also loves to be in Sunday school too, whether he is helping or learning. Princess loves Sunday school and would be mortified if I made her "give it up". Then we have Cutie Pie. She seems to like it as well. Pooky, I am not sure how we are going to deal with her...but that is another post!!

I just tend to go through different stages at different times in my life. It is like I am constanly reflecting and noticing whether our decisions are right or not. I know that each of my kids are different and things may work differently for them too.

It is good to reflect on your lives I think. God has blessed us with these precious treasures and I just don't want to screw them up. I want my kids to grow strong in Him and I want them to be in tune with Him. I would rather them learn it at this age then at my age, like I am now.

I loved going to Sunday school as a kid and then I loved helping in the rooms as a young teen. I was in Crusaders (is that still around anymore?) and Pioneer Girls. We went to youth groups and almost all the church events.

I think for me, though too is that some of it has to do with fear. I see where I went with my life and I don't want that for my kids. I know they will have to make their own choices, but I am scared that if I don't do the right thing now, they will stray as I did.

I am back now. I went through a ton of heartache physically, spiritually, emotionally...in every way. I had a lot of crappy baggage to ditch and hand over. I still have different issues that keep popping up, to this day. I notice it a lot when it comes to my kids. I went to church for the social aspect and because so long as I was living at home, it was required. I went with the wrong expectations and lived up to the facade that I put on for everyone. I became friends with all the wrong kids and got in lots of trouble...

So, here is a fear in me that I need to get rid of now. My kids are going to make their own choices and I need to pray over them now, that they will always make the right ones (or at least learn from the wrong ones).

Then after figuring how to deal with this, I was talking to a friend on the phone about another issue that I have. I have a really hard time talking and introducing myself to new people. I am shy, it has always been my excuse. I have a hard time building lasting, open, honest relationships with people because I always expect them to leave at some point. I had a hard time keeping friends as a child and just learned to be a loner and keep low expectaions. Then I wouldn't be let down.

Whew...

So, I was saying that I really would like to call someone in the church and invite them over for dinner or lunch or something and then I said something that I can't believe I said out loud. I said that I was embarassed of my house. Don't get me wrong, ok, I love the fact that we co-own a house with our bank (had to put that in there!!) But we have lived here for 7 years and it hasn't really felt like a "home" but moreso a mess...(I really need to work on the whole organizing thing)

My friend says...that I have to deal with my PRIDE!! What, I have none of that (total sarcasm there!!)

But, you know, that is it. I feel embarassed that our place isn't as nice as others, I feel that we can't keep up with anyone else. My pride I guess is getting in the way of letting others into my life.

Whew, for sure.

So, today I learned some things that I need to deal with I guess. Didn't know this post was going to turn into an oil spill...but I guess it needed to come out.

I am going to publish this...but I don't know if it will stay up long or not. Remember my on TT..how much info is too much??LOL